prayer

Day 175

Meditation is something I have always felt I could not do. I’m not sure why. I have many friends who meditate religiously and they find it centers them and clears their heart, mind, and soul.

I have my time for prayer and I guess maybe I did not really understand the difference. What could clearing my thoughts do for me? How would it benefit me? I had a very lengthy exchange with a good friend several years ago about meditation. Still, I did not take that first step. Until yesterday.

I am trying to take the steps recommended by Kyle Cease in his “Love Rising” videos. I cannot tell you why, but at the end of the 4th video, I knew I was in.

Yesterday afternoon I tried meditating for the very first time. I found myself in tears for most of the time (I only managed 45 minutes.) This is when I realized I had been living my life with a constant sense of loss.

This morning I set my clock for an hour earlier than my normal wake-up time. I sat up in my bed and meditated for a full hour. I cannot adequately explain what happened in that time other than to say I felt my brain was testing me. I went through almost every friend I’d ever had since grade school and struggled to remember their names. My mind kept saying, “what’s her name” and eventually, the names all came to me.

I do not know how this is going to serve me, but there must be a reason. Today I had more energy than I have had of late. I accomplished so much and even managed to clean the weeds from all my flower beds and my raised garden. Perhaps it’s a coincidence — we will see.

I am tired now and ready for bed. My clock will be set and I will meditate again. I do not know what to expect, but I am going to keep showing up.

Goodnight all.