I am not sure why you chose last night
to visit me in my dreams
But I am glad you did
Three years is a long time to wait
But the wait was okay
Once you were here
You were young, tall and statuesque
The way I always saw you
Even if you never could
I hugged you so tight and held you
So close it startled me awake
But all I wanted was to stay
with you
Back asleep I saw you again
The details are cloudy now
I hope you come again
I miss you
Day 287
The last few days have been difficult. I have been deep in thought about my sister. Tomorrow is the anniversary of her death. Losing her was hard. She fought the good fight and I admired her strength so much.
Today I am remembering the events I wish I could forget. The experiences I shared with her that I have never shared with anyone. They were hard and I do not wish to put those memories in anyone else’s mind.
I wrote a blog after she was admitted to the hospital. She had a stroke which left it difficult for her to talk. I remember her trying to say something she could not get out, stumbling over every word. She finally took a breath and said one word crystal clear. “Shit.” That was just like her to express her displeasure so clearly.
She was so frustrated trying to talk. And I tried so hard to understand what she needed to say. I feel like we were both cheated out of those final conversations. But it was not meant to be.
There have been a lot of unexpected triggers over the last few days. I was not expecting them and I was not expecting this wash of grief. I have done well celebrating her life and remembering the fullness of her life in favor of the difficulty of her passing. But the universe had a different idea this year.
I wrote a blog about BJ when she went into the hospital. I posted it below if you care to read. I would not write another blog until the year came to a close.
I wanted to write this blog today because tomorrow, I want to tell you about my sister before the word cancer was always associated with the telling of her life. She was much more than that.
Day 234
Today’s late SoCS post is brought to you (as always) by the lovely Linda Hill. The prompt this week is:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “rhymes with rosy.” Find a word that rhymes with “rosy” or use the word “rosy” and base your post on it. Enjoy!
Today is the kind of day my sister Rosie would have loved. Lots of family milling around, unexpected surprises and flying by the seat of your pants kind of day. Both my sisters were much more outgoing than I, but Rosie especially loved people. She never met a stranger.
I will write more about my day later, but just wanted to sneak this post in under the wire. My children leave tomorrow morning, and it will be hard to say goodbye to my family. Lots of emotions this week.
If you care to join in on the fun, check out Linda’s Blog for the rules and to read all the other SoCS posts. You will be glad you did!
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