Things I Resist

Day 167

I am resistant. There — I said it.

Some resistance is good, some signal avoidance, and frankly, some things do not fit in my personal goals for my life.

I want to examine my resistance and start to flush out my thoughts and ideas.

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Am I Resistant to Change?

I am not afraid of change, but of course, it depends on what I am trying to change. Years ago I decided to go on Weight Watchers. I was active in the workforce and went faithfully every Monday during my lunch hour. I lost 25 pounds, reached my goal, and became a lifetime member. Then I dropped it. I was tired of counting points. It was the only attempt at any type of dieting I have ever tried.

Recently, hubby and I made some lifestyle changes in the foods we choose, how much we cook at home, and we added some much-needed exercise back into our lives. Now I have lost weight and feel better without feeling like I am dieting. This has been an easy change.

I welcome other areas of change in my life. I am not afraid to try new things. I was not afraid of retiring or moving to a completely different life in another state, so I don’t think it is change I’m resistant to. I love this new phase of my life and have so many dreams for this time.

Blogging and Writing

I see a lot of my fellow-bloggers take on a lot of challenges for their blogs and their writing. I do one and have resisted all the others. Not because I do not find them interesting or challenging, but because, for me, it stifles my thoughts and the reason I chose to blog in the first place.

I do think I am resisting working in earnest on a story I have brewing. I am recognizing it as the voice of my inner critic, but I cannot shut her up! I know the storyline is powerful and I know I can make it come to life. But still, I resist. I think I resist because I still fear failing. What if no one else appreciates it the way I do?

So, instead of writing, I am allowing classes by other writers whom I respect, to fill my days and my writing time. Resistance!

Digital Entertainment

We canceled our cable TV service about a month ago in favor of a much cheaper streaming service. I still have shows to watch — and I do watch — but I do not spend nearly as much time in front of the TV now.

Facebook. Grrrrrrrrr. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It is THE predominant way I stay in touch with my family and close friends. But it is so much more than that. It is a time-suck and an invasion of privacy. Today I decided to start culling down my Facebook friends list. I’m not even sure I know all my friends! Isn’t that crazy?

Online news is the way I stay up with what is happening in the world. I gave up newspapers YEARS ago. But the news is so much less about news and so much more about advertising and marketing. I cannot trust one outlet so I have three or four I check every day or two.

So, where there is an alternative, I can easily change my digital habits. Some I do feel tied to, but at some time in the future, I may change more of these as well.


I have been intrigued by meditation for a long time. I tried it another lifetime ago, but I had no patience. Now I have ample time to sit with my thoughts and clear my thinking, but I am fighting it every step of the way. Maybe meditating would help clear the cobwebs and let me know why I am resistant.

Could I sit for an hour and be comfortable? Do I have thoughts and burdens I do not wish to address? Do I believe in meditation? I do not have the answers to any of these questions but I know I am resistant to even try it again.

The Answer?

I don’t have one right now. I guess that is the reason for this post. I do think I will examine my thoughts around resistance over the next few weeks and just see what shakes out. I hope it’s my internal critic – she is wretched.



Affirmations and Meditations – SoCS

Day 121

Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS) offered by Linda G. Hill. If you are interested, the rules and a link will be listed below the post.

The subject/prompt for today is: “affirm.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!


When I saw yesterday’s prompt for the Stream of Consciousness post today, I was perplexed. How was I going to write and make something at least coherent with the word affirm? I can honestly tell you the first thing I thought about doing was just to see how many other words I could make using the letters in the word affirm. I tossed that idea out rather quickly remembering how many of those things I hated in school.

I have often encouraged friends who are going through a tough time to say positive affirmations in the mirror. Life can sometimes drag us down to the point where we don’t have a lot of faith in ourselves let alone love for ourselves.

I remember a very difficult time when I was nearing the end of my marriage. I was constantly told ‘you are very smart but you have absolutely no common sense’. There were a lot of things much worse said and done, but that one continued to sting more than the others.

To combat the feelings of being unworthy, I, too, decided I needed to affirm my self-worth. I found a 2-CD set of daily meditations/affirmations that I bought to listen to on the way to work. At that time in my life, the only time I didn’t seem to be in constant tears was when I was at work. So, my drive to and from became a solace for me.

Last night I decided to go to iTunes and try to find that same CD. I listened to snippets of affirmations jumbled together with Zen-like music, waterfalls, and voices that grated every nerve in my body. Maybe the simple act of listening to recorded affirmations by other people was all it took to affirm my transformation from that weak, beaten-down individual to someone who really doesn’t give two hoots about other people’s perception of who I am.

Maybe this word ‘affirm’ was a good one for me after all.

Follow Linda G. Hill’s blog to write along every Saturday.

Here are the rules for SoCS:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!