Blog, Writing

Why I Write

Day 90

Tonight I’m tired. I had a restless night last night and today a long drive. I want to spend a little time on my writing class tonight before I go to bed so this will be short.

I’ve been reading a little of what writers have to say about writing. So many feel compelled to write. It made me wonder why I write and what I get from the process and also what I give to my writing.

Perhaps I’m a bit of a romantic at heart. I love the written word. Old letters are the best (I’ve written about them before in this blog post). People spill their hearts onto the paper and don’t worry about perfection. They convey thoughts and ideas, love and displeasure. I almost think I’d like to find a pen pal — do they still exist? There is something about writing, waiting and finally receiving a response that we’ve lost in these days of immediate communication with one another.

Writing for others is a different animal. This is where I lose myself. I am a part of the story and I am every character that I create. I hear their voices, I know what they are thinking and I can see an image of them in my interpretation of the words I wrote knowing full well that the reader may construct completely different imagery.

When I write, I enter a place where I forget everything happening in the world around me. I would not consider it escapism because I’m truly not trying to escape my life. It is more a place of meditation and beautiful solitude which is becoming more and more difficult to find.

Since I’ve been taking Margaret Atwood’s MasterClass, I find ideas are running rampant in my brain. I’m struggling to slow down my thinking so that I can do the exercises that accompany each unit. It requires an effort to contain and compartmentalize some of my thinking. I’m itching to write again.

Now I’m off to work on my class. More tomorrow.

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Blog, Writing

Under and Over the Weather

Day 84

Today I have been rather lethargic. I have felt a little under the weather all day. Nothing specific, just ‘off’. To top that off, the rain has started and we are under flood watches again. We have had so much rain this year it’s out of the norm. I am ‘over’ the rain to say the least.

We are trying to get back into the swing of taking our morning walks. I had to force myself to go today. I felt okay afterward, but it was a struggle today. I don’t think I’m sick, I think I’m just overly tired after all we have been through the last few weeks. Walking is important to me, so I do need to push myself to keep the exercise going.

I had such an amazing lift in the midst of this gloomy day. I received a beautiful and thoughtful card from one of my best friends. It is so nice to know people are thinking of us and praying for us. 2018 has been challenging for both of us, so for her to take the time to think of us touches my heart in a very big way.

I also received a beautiful comfort package in the mail from another amazing friend. I was so touched by her kindness in thinking of me and the loss of our mom. It was such a welcome and appreciated gift. She has one of the most generous and loving spirits I have ever known. I am so fortunate that she is a member of my tribe and that she considers me her friend. I am blessed.

One of the hard things about being the family members that live ‘away’ when someone dies, is you do much of your grieving alone. You don’t get the calls or cards or visits like you do when you live in the same town as your loved one. It makes the grieving process a very lonely one. The loving gestures from friends make the process a little easier.

authorI managed to do another chapter in my MasterClass. I have been criticized in the past for my writing process, but today I felt validated. If it works for me, that’s really all that matters. I am enjoying the class and thinking I may use one of my old blogs to test out some new ideas for a couple of short stories. I will post a link here if I manage to accomplish this feat within the next few days.

I did manage to update my FB cover and profile photo today to remind myself that I need to focus my energy on my writing.

Tonight I received a surprise video call from my youngest granddaughter. She’s 16 months old and was very elated playing with all of her new toys that Santa brought her. She gave me lots of ‘phone’ kisses and I really enjoyed watching her dance around and just enjoy life. What a pleasure!

Hubby cooked dinner tonight while I lounged around too long watching re-runs of old Top Chef shows. Before I knew it 11:00 PM had rolled around and I knew I needed to get this blog posted before the day slipped away.

I think I’ll enjoy a cup of decaf green tea with honey and tuck myself into bed soon. It’s been a long day.

“Just as a good rain clears the air, a good writing day clears the psyche.” 
Julia Cameron

Blog, Writing

It’s My Time

Day 83

Today was a turning point. I realized I’ve been waiting for something to happen. I don’t know what, but I’m tired of waiting.

I am a nurturer by nature. I worry about everyone and will always try to do anything I can to help those I love and care about. That’s a noble calling I suppose, but what I have discovered is that putting everyone and everything else above what you dream for yourself makes it impossible to achieve those dreams.

I will always love and care for people. It’s in my DNA. Today I decided it is okay for me to focus on myself as well.

MasterClassSince we didn’t really shop or exchange much in the way of gifts for Christmas, I told hubby I wanted to sign up for a couple of classes on Master Class. Specifically about writing. So, my belated Christmas gift was a year-long subscription to all the classes. Wow! I am so excited! (Click on the logo to the left to go to their website! There is a great promotion running until midnight Pacific time tonight — 12/26/2018)

Tonight I started Margaret Atwood’s Creative Writing Class. I am thoroughly enjoying it so far. It has already made me realize a few major changes I must take in how I structure my life if I intend to write seriously.

I am relieved to get some sort of validation that my method of writing is ok if it works for me. Now, why did I need for someone to tell me that? If it works for me, it works for me.

As I go through some of the questions raised in the class, I have already had to tell my inner critic to pipe down a few times. I get to control this. Years of nagging doubt are surfacing and I am working to change the way I think about my ability to write.

Retirement is wonderful, but it can be bogged down by the same things that bog you down in pre-retirement life. Remodeling, cleaning, cooking, errands, shopping, and laundry are all still there. It takes a conscious effort to achieve the things we hope to accomplish.

In one of my earlier blogs, I said I wanted 2019 to be lighter. I think that lightness may come in part by doing things that I really want to do. In so many ways, 2018 was hard. I cannot dwell on the difficulties and the hardships. I want to forge ahead toward the goals I have set for myself. There is room to do that and also love and care for those I hold so dear to my heart.

I feel lighter already.

“To be creative, first we must be generous. Then we must have a quiet, indomitable belief in our own worth.” 
Donna Goddard