Today Was a 10

Day 177

I started the day with my hour of meditation. Nothing much came up for me, except that I was hungry and thought “Great. Now my stomach will growl for an hour”. After that declaration, my mind quieted down and I enjoyed an hour of peaceful quiet. I think I released so much the first three days I am having a few days of clarity.

Kyle Cease asks how much of our time we spend doing the things that are 10’s in our life. Today I was determined to make it a 10 day all around.

Hubby and I started the day by hiking a short 1/4 mile trail to Pearson Falls. I really wanted to see what wildflowers were blooming and, of course, seeing a waterfall is always delightful. There were not as many wildflowers as I had hoped, but it was still a gorgeous day to be outside.

This environment reminded me so much of how I spent my life as a child. Weaving in and out of mottled light along the creek bank. I just breathe deeper and feel alive in this environment. It feels like home.

Leaving the falls, we were fortunate to see a great blue heron just hanging out looking for food I imagine. I haven’t seen one since I left Florida so it was neat to see it in this environment.

Afterward, we had lunch at The Purple Onion, a local restaurant in Saluda, NC. It was such a great day we sat outside on the patio and enjoyed our lunch. I had a wonderful salad and half of a turkey and avocado sandwich on bread made at the local bakery. It was amazing.

From there, we journeyed up to Arden, NC to visit B. B. Barns — a larger plant nursery. It was fun enjoying spring and thinking about buying some new plant material for the yard. I was so excited to find organic cilantro and dill for my raised garden. Yum!

We decided to splurge and have a small steak tonight. The first red meat in 4 months. A few sautéed peppers and some asparagus made a perfect dinner and a rare treat.

I wrapped up the day having a short video call with my 18-month-old granddaughter and then a nice chat with a dear friend.

The day was a 10 all the way around and I feel it in my heart. We should do more 10’s. It is way cheaper than therapy or medication.

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Meditation – A First for Me

Day 175

Meditation is something I have always felt I could not do. I’m not sure why. I have many friends who meditate religiously and they find it centers them and clears their heart, mind, and soul.

I have my time for prayer and I guess maybe I did not really understand the difference. What could clearing my thoughts do for me? How would it benefit me? I had a very lengthy exchange with a good friend several years ago about meditation. Still, I did not take that first step. Until yesterday.

I am trying to take the steps recommended by Kyle Cease in his “Love Rising” videos. I cannot tell you why, but at the end of the 4th video, I knew I was in.

Yesterday afternoon I tried meditating for the very first time. I found myself in tears for most of the time (I only managed 45 minutes.) This is when I realized I had been living my life with a constant sense of loss.

This morning I set my clock for an hour earlier than my normal wake-up time. I sat up in my bed and meditated for a full hour. I cannot adequately explain what happened in that time other than to say I felt my brain was testing me. I went through almost every friend I’d ever had since grade school and struggled to remember their names. My mind kept saying, “what’s her name” and eventually, the names all came to me.

I do not know how this is going to serve me, but there must be a reason. Today I had more energy than I have had of late. I accomplished so much and even managed to clean the weeds from all my flower beds and my raised garden. Perhaps it’s a coincidence — we will see.

I am tired now and ready for bed. My clock will be set and I will meditate again. I do not know what to expect, but I am going to keep showing up.

Goodnight all.

 

 

Believing There is More

Day 166

What is your story? Is it a litany of job titles and roles you have fulfilled throughout your life. Is it your heartaches, your successes, and your failures all rolled up into one big ball called your life? I certainly hope not.

I am in moving into my third year of retirement. For the first year I continued to work and one day, as I watched my husband relaxing, I asked myself why I was continuing to meet deadlines every day. I wasn’t stressed out and the work wasn’t hard, but I was still working. That isn’t the definition of retirement in my way of thinking.

Moving into this phase of my life was an adjustment. I kept trying to define myself based on the prior jobs I held or the accomplishments I achieved. I was still trying to measure up against some constantly moving yardstick that no one but me cared about.

So I quit. I retired from my retiree job.

I suddenly realized I was now free to be me. Undefined and unapologetically me. Rediscovering my authenticity was a journey for me – one I did not even realize I was taking.

So many of my friends and family are still in the workforce. So much of their lives revolve around their jobs — even outside their work hours. Work consumes much more than a 40-hour week in most households.

I mentioned yesterday that I am watching Love Rising. Kyle Cease talks about the things we do that bring us the greatest pleasure and joy in our lives – the 10’s. Then he asks what percentage of our day we spend on ‘the 10’s‘. Hmmm… My percentage was pretty low.

I am starting to realize how far I am moving away from my old story. I no longer identify with the woman who was. I am the woman who is. The wonderful part of this is who I am today may not be who I am tomorrow and that’s okay – it’s more than okay. It means I am open to all my dreams and aspirations. I am no longer blocked by my old story.

Of course, I am proud of the work life I held and the accomplishments of my life. Those are part of my old story and it’s a pretty good read, but I cannot define this part of my glorious life by those reflections in the mirror.

Today and tomorrow are bright and beautiful and an integral part of my new story. Hang on to your hats. It’s going to be a great ride.