The Friend Who Would Not Go Away – Tranquil Thursday #5

I cannot claim to have a passel of friends. To me, friendship is not meant to be counted but rather treasured. I am the youngest of four children. I spent much of my childhood entertaining myself. Is that what made me an introvert or was that trait embedded in my DNA? Perhaps I fell to introversion because of environmental influences.

Our family moved frequently but until recently, I never acknowledged how that uprooting affected me. I never struggled to make friends, but I did struggle to keep them. Early on I tried to stay in touch as we moved, but eventually time and distance would gnaw away at the ties that may have otherwise bound us together. Honestly, I did not put up much of a fight. This was just how it was.

When I left Alaska for the last time, my life was in turmoil. Three cross-country moves in about five years and I was tired of starting over. I kept in touch with friends for a while, but time and circumstance took a toll and friendships waned. All but one.

No matter how much time passed, she never let me go. That silky thread of friendship held tight. She believed in the value of the love we shared. Even now, months can pass without a word. Then my phone will light up unexpectedly and it will be her.

No matter how much my body leaned into the familiarity of letting go, she would not let that happen. It took time for me to understand why she hung on. She treasured the ‘us’ in our friendship. It was a place of peace. A place of acceptance and sincerity. A place of familiarity and a sense of what has been.

Our friendship has endured 43 years. That is a record for me, my friends. She recently called me because she needed her friend. She needed a tranquil place where she could cry the tears she wanted no one else to witness. Then we laughed and talked about grandchildren (we barely had children all those years ago.)

I have no questions this week. I simply wonder if you have experienced the calm serenity that comes from staying the course.

As always your comments and posts are wecome.

---

You can leave your comments below or write a post of your own and link back here. Pingbacks do not appear to be working consistently, so if you write a post, please drop your link in the comments.

Advertisement

Throwback Thursday #17 – Buddies, Friends and Penpals

Welcome back to Throwback Thursday. This is the weekly post where we ask you to turn the dials back on the time machine and remember things from your childhood and beyond. Lauren and I co-author these posts and I’m up again this week. If you want to join in, it’s easy:

• Write your own post sharing your memories and leave a pingback to this post in the comments.
• You can use the photo above in your post to make it easier to find.
• Tag it with #TBTMemory or #IRememberWhen.
• If you do not wish to write your own post, feel free to tell your story in the comments below.

This week’s prompt is: Friendship

The importance of developing friendships cannot be overstated. Socialization is an important aspect of living with other humans on this big blue marble we call home. So, think back about your early friendships and relationships. Consider the following when you write:

Who was the earliest friend you remember? What drew you to this person? What kinds of things did you do together. Did you have pen pals? Have you maintained long-term friendships from childhood. Did you have autograph books? How about high school yearbooks signed by friends? What kinds of things may have made you sever friendships? Are you a friend collector – the more the better – or are you content with the intimacy of a few close friends? How does your personality (shy or outgoing) affect the friendships you develop? What is the quality you desire in a friend?

My post follows:

---

I have always been a shy person. Making friends was not an easy feat for me. No social butterfly here.

Growing up in our small community, all the kids were friends. We were all each other had so we had to make the best of it. I am still friendly with those still around, although I would not say we are friends. To me, a friend is the person who stays present in your life. Time, distance, and experience can make us grow closer or further apart.

I never had a pen pal but I wanted one desperately! I had great fantasies about having a friend that could tell me about faraway places and different cultures.

In school we exchanged notes which often got us in trouble with the teacher. If we were caught exchanging notes, we had to endure the punishment of reading them aloud in front of the entire classroom. We also had “slam books” which were handmade books designed for questions and answers about who we liked, our favorite foods, who we thought had the coolest clothes, etc. Ours were tame in comparison to some I have read about. We had autograph books that all our friends signed because none of us ever met ayone famous living in central Ohio.

Because we moved several times, my early friendships were often short lived. The longest relationship I have somewhat maintained is with my childhood friend – I’ll call her Candy although that is not her name. After her father passed away and my mother passed away, our parents married each other so we became step-sisters. I lived far away and our paths only crossed when I made a trip home to visit. She would eventually develop a relationship with my ex-husband which everyone thought would be the demise of our relationship. It wasn’t. I had moved on, but honestly, small towns never really allow you to move on.

My best friend in high school was Carly – also not her name. She lived down the street from me and we hung out after school, usually at my house. Everyone loved my parents I guess because our household was fairly laid back and culturally very different. All my friends loved my mother’s southern cooking. We attempted to stay in touch after I joined the Air Force, but we eventually lost touch. We did reconnect years ago and exchanged emails for a while, catching up on each other’s lives, but it did not last.

I had a small number of good friends in high school, but my best friends were those I met through band or through Civil Air Patrol. In Civil Air Patrol, we spent every Wednesday night together and several weekends a month practicing for search and recovery missions in the event of a downed or missing aircraft. We all became close.

Yearbooks were a way to leave pearls of wisdom for our friends as we each moved on from high school. I did not get to buy yearbooks because at the time my mother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and there was no extra money for things like that.

After high school I joined the Air Force and made a lot of friends, but again, the military life tends to be transient. You develop friendships fast but they suddenly disappear whenever orders come down. You learn to move on.

I had a couple of people reach out after high school through classmates. We chatted a few times, but I quickly learned that by traveling some and leaving home, my world views and perspectives changed much more rapidly than those people who stayed in a small close community all of their lives.

Some of my best friends today are people I met online through various online communities. I have had the pleasure of meeting several in my travels and strangely enough, they tend to be some of the strongest relationships in my life. Perhaps because you meet knowing nothing about each other. Physical appearance does of come into play. The relationships are based on the strength of their words and shared ideas about life. We have watched our families grow up, orchestrated meetups and exchanged letters. We have mourned deeply when someone in our circle passes away.

Friendships to me are more about quality than quantity.

Reflecting on Life, Death and the Gift of Blogging

Day 240

I stayed up too late last night and found myself sleeping in this morning. Days like this make me so thankful to be retired. I walked outside to look at the progress in the garden before it gets too hot. We have so many small tomatoes, cucumbers, and peppers that I hope will survive the insects and the summer heat.

I plucked a single ripe strawberry off the vine and bit into it. It was warm and so flavorful. Luscious! Normally birds would be darting in and out of the feeders, but while our family was here last week, a black bear decided to dine at the bird feeders. The result was a completely destroyed pole and three smashed feeders – our very favorite feeders of course.

Such is life here. We normally put the feeders out around 8:00 a.m. and bring them in around 7:00 p.m. before it gets dark. When bears look for food, they do not worry much about time of day so we are constantly on the watch. We still have a few feeders in the back but it will be a while before we sink money into replacing the expensive feeders.

We have seen a few king snakes and rat snakes around. We leave them alone because they eat the mice and some of the venomous snakes. They can be quite startling if you are not fond of snakes.

Last night my dear friend had to have her golden retriever put to sleep. I am heartbroken for her. Her dogs have been her beloved and close companions, loved and cared for as all animals deserve to be.

Being surrounded by the ever present reminders of life and death, I found myself reflecting on blogging. I had private blogs back when I was active on LiveJournal. This was a sacred place closed to all but a few close friends and one of my sisters. We shared a lot there. Now that my sister has passed, I keep my LiveJournal account so I can go back and revisit the things she wrote.

After that journey, I started a WordPress blog back in 2010 on the heels of a dear friend’s death. My first post was entitled ‘In Search of Signs of Life’. Funny how threads resurface in our lives. It was a place where I could process my feelings and thoughts around life and death. I wrote a good bit there as my sisters fought their battles with cancer. I have not written there in a long time although the blog is still up.

I started this blog 240 days ago as part of a goal of blogging every day. I think I have found myself over this course time. I am able to reflect without being absorbed. I can be empathetic without becoming depressed. I see and acknowledge what is not healthy for me and move on. I am constantly seeking to expand my experiences and knowledge and I have found blogging an excellent way to do so.

This morning I was honored when a fellow blogger (dare I say friend?) Pete recommended my blog to his followers. I was honored to think he found something of substance in what I share here. Thank you again, Pete.

I appreciate all who take the time to come by and read my blog. It means a lot. Blogging has certainly enriched my life and I have learned so much about us as people. We are much more alike than we sometimes realize. And as people, we need each other. Bridging cultural differences and discovering commonality is a gift. One that I will treasure for a lifetime.

Ornaments

Day 52

I love the consistency of my life. It might be boring to some but to me, it is perfect. Our days usually start out the same way and I love that. When we were working, mornings were always such a rush and a blur. Get up, shower, dress, eat breakfast, pack lunch, then a 45-minute drive to work. That part of my life is in the past now and I appreciate the freedom of retirement.

More Tree Decorations

Today, I added some ornaments to the tree. I always start with some of the most sentimental ornaments. I have ornaments I made when my children were small, ornaments my children made in school and ornaments received from friends and family throughout the years.

<==This ornament was made by my son (with a lot of help from his teacher) in 1st grade. He now has a wife and two children of his own so it’s been a bit since this one came into the collection.

==>This one was made by my daughter – it’s a pierced piece of copper. The ribbon has yellowed and every year I add a little glue to keep it together. It’s special though. She, too, is married and has a child of her own.

<==My great-aunt made this for me about 40 years ago. It’s made of wooden spools. The dress was hand-made. She passed away last year. The last of my great aunts and uncles.

==>I once had a dear friend who I thought would be a life-long friend. But some things do not turn out the way we think that they will. I keep it and hang it to remember the good times. Sometimes people are only in our life for a season.

<==My sister passed away in 2010. When I lived in Florida she came to visit and we took a trip up to St. Augustine. She bought this ornament for my husband because she knew how much he loved lighthouses. They had a good and kind relationship.

==>Our grandson made this ornament for us maybe when he was 8 or so. He’s now almost 17. Another wonderful addition with great memories of the sweetest little boy.

<==This one always makes me smile. I made this with my step-daughter and my two granddaughters. It was to be an easy project but after hot gluing all those pom poms we were ready to be done. It was a day filled with great joy and laughter.

 

When my children were small, I made a number of ceramic ornaments for the tree. Many have been broken through the years, but I still have about 5. These are two of my favorites. A partridge in a pear tree and an elephant — because elephants never forget.

There are more ornaments and more memories to be placed on the tree. All in all, it was a day filled with wonderful memories and thoughts of people and times and places that can never be replaced. Tonight I am blessed.

“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.” 
Steve Maraboli

Unexpected Benefits

Day 17

I started this blog 17 days ago. I was not sure what to expect and honestly I was not sure I would be able to follow it through. I wondered what I would write about every day for 365 days.

For years I read that it takes 21 days to form a habit. More recent research indicates that number may be closer to 66 days. So, I am far from this being normal for me, but I will say that with every day that passes, it becomes more natural.

What to Write

The thing I worried most about was what I would write. What I am finding is amazing. Every day I see something or read something or do something that turns into inspiration for a blog post.

Perhaps this is simply electronic journaling to some, but there is something more here. Something a little magical.

Now I worry less about what to write and am much more conscious of how I spend my day, making sure I allocate time to write. As a writer, this is a wonderful thing.

I am sure many of us could be more cognizant of the time and energy we put into non-productive things in our lives.

Unexpected Benefits

I find that my days have less and less time for social media interactions. I have certain times of the day that I check up on Facebook or Instagram, but outside of that I have curbed that habit quite a bit. I am finding it is a healthy change for me.

I was not the only person who started this 365 day journey. There is a group of amazing women walking this path together.

I encourage you to check out the links in my sidebar to read what is being shared here. This community of like-minded women has inspired me in so many ways.

When I started blogging regularly, I found I also started reading more. I try to faithfully read what my fellow bloggers are writing. And I also seek out other bloggers who are writing on topics of interest to me.

Empathy and Reflection

I have a thing for the written word. When someone pours their heart and soul on the page it is impactful and meaningful to me. Writing triggers something inside me that opens the pathways to memory and feelings so perhaps it is the same for other writers.

This morning I read a post that gutted me. One of my fellow bloggers wrote about her struggles and it touched me deeply. That is what authentic writing can do — she classified it as ‘raw’ and I must agree. She was so brave and I was honored to witness what she wrote. (Thank you Tanya.)

This entry she wrote not only made me feel great empathy and respect for her, but it also triggered memories of my sister, Rosie. When she was so ill with the cancer that would eventually take her life, we had many heartbreaking conversations about her feelings and her fears. I wrote about one of our conversations back in 2010 that broke my heart. I have never forgotten it. This morning I went back and read it again.

Giving Thanks

To my dear friend Maitri, I am so thankful for your encouragement to join you in this 365 day blog challenge. I was familiar with blogging, but I never anticipated the other channels in my soul that this work would blow wide open.

To the ladies that join me in this journey – thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words move me and I am forever changed by this experience. Thank you for sharing your simple days and your hardest days. I love being in a circle of women that lift each other up. It is refreshing and enriching in so many ways.

You have added something moving and powerful to my life and I thank you.

“Sometimes that’s all you need my love – another woman’s faith in you.” 
Joy McCullough