Keeping My Head Above Water

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Day 263

I am so far behind on blog reading and responding to comments. I am an early riser so I have time to shower, catch up with hubby and have a cup of coffee before the day takes off. Then I have time when everyone goes to bed, but by then, I am exhausted and ready for sleep.

I tease my grandchildren and tell them that Grandma needs her rest and needs to go to bed early. Last night, we watched a Chipmunk movie and I heard my 6-year-old grandson talking to his sister. “It’s 8:38! It already past Grandma’s bedtime.” Ha! I am not that bad. We forget how much kids treasure staying up late, especially the first week of their summer vacation.

Yesterday was busy, but a few tender moments were on my mind.

It was the 27th anniversary of my Dad’s death. He passed so close to Father’s Day, it was a very hard loss. He was my best friend and I miss him every day. I do not live in the grief — instead I choose to remember him full of life with that spark in his eye. He would have loved seeing these rambunctious great-grandchildren of his. He was all about the little ones.

Yesterday was also the 3rd anniversary of the massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando. I have family and friends in the LGBTQ community (wouldn’t it be nice if we were all of the same community?) which makes this hit home even more. It is so sad to remember this horrible shooting and so hard to realize nothing has been done in these intervening years to prevent such a tragedy from happening again. This morning I watched the video of Anderson Cooper reciting the names of the victims. It is a tough watch. Lest we forget…

I also took my granddaughter to get her hair washed and braided at the salon. Much to my surprise her brother wanted to come along. Luckily, it was a short appointment — just shy of an hour — so he survived!

Then it was home, dinner and a movie. A very full day indeed.

I find myself looking forward to going home this weekend. Not because I want to get away for I have loved every minute. God knew what he was doing when he gave children to the young and limber.

Hope to catch up some this weekend.


I Know Who I Am

Day 190


I am firm in my convictions. I know what I believe and I do not waiver. I am open to listening to other people’s ideas and thoughts and am willing to consider other ways of thinking, but my basic instincts have never changed. The way I feel about people and how we should treat one another has not changed since I was a little girl — and that was a very long time ago.

Several times of late, friends have come to me asking me how I can be so understanding or so accepting. They want me to explain how I can feel the way I do. How did I reach my conclusions? Did I ever consider I could be wrong in my thinking? What did I do when I found out so and so was this or that. It is perplexing to me.

I mean, I feel like I feel. When I see someone hurt, I feel empathy. I see us all as people — deserving of equal treatment and consideration. I may disagree and I may share my ideas if asked, but I don’t think I would ever consciously try to convince someone to think the way that I do.

My mother always told me that if I was doing something wrong or treating someone poorly, I would feel it in my gut. That’s always been my guide. After all, we do know when we make mistakes even though we sometimes willingly push those thoughts aside.

It is confusing to me — the idea of accepting someone or something that just simply is. How is it possible not to accept what is? Maybe it’s the idea of acceptance that is confusing.

How can I tell someone how I am me?

At my core, I have a set of morals — I don’t know if I was born with them or if I learned them, but it is who I am. I think we all must have a particular moral code or set of values or ideals — I just know I cannot be anyone else’s moral compass. That’s a lot of pressure. I cannot tell you how to be you. I can’t even tell you how I am me. That’s a journey we all must take for ourselves, I think.

I believe people can change if they choose to do so. I have changed many times in my life. I’ve been in difficult circumstances and I have made mistakes. But those are circumstances. I can honestly say that the core of what I believe and how I see people has never changed. I have never understood hate — especially fear-based hate.

I am open to listening and sharing my experiences, but in the end, I can only be me.  I am in no position to tell anyone else how to build a belief system or how to love or how to accept. It’s ingrained in me and I don’t know how or why.

I’m human and I get angry and frustrated and disappointed with people — we all do. But it doesn’t result in me changing my basic philosophies of life.

This is a rambling post and maybe tonight it is just for my own benefit as I try to unravel and understand the complexities of how we come to believe what we believe.






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Ebb and Flow of Life

Day 10

IMG_0898Today life is moving at a different pace and in a different direction than I imagined. We can make plans and decide how things are going to fall into place and then things change. Perhaps the change is subtle and perhaps it will be dramatic but life does not sit still. If we are not engaged it can and will happen around us.

Much like the tides that calm us or threaten us, things change. Sometimes we are soothed by the sweet sounds of the surf breaking and rolling peacefully to the shore. Sometimes, the waves pound so hard, we take shelter. There is no shelter from life – we just find momentary places to shield ourselves from the storm of the day and then we move on.

Going With The Flow

Today I am learning to absorb the rhythm of my life here in these foothills. I am more aware of the ebb and flow and the pace at which life unfurls. We are not always open to or enthralled by the changes, but change does not seek our approval. There is a level of acceptance we must find and then perhaps change our thinking to embrace the changes that unfold around us.

There is a peace to be found in accepting what we cannot change. We may fight it and resist it, but at some point we find acceptance. Changes can be big or small – a cancelled date with a good friend, a change in weather, running out of your favorite tea – anything. It seems to me the ability of the human spirit to adapt to changes is important in finding happiness.

So, today, I am at peace with the small ripples in my pond. As I look at them, starting small and tight and slowly expanding until they eventually disappear, I realize the things that throw us curve balls do dissipate. It just takes time.

I am here at home spending a quiet and uneventful afternoon. The day was not as I had imagined, but everything is okay as it is. I have adjusted and accepted the ripples in my pond. In a strange way, I am now finding them somewhat relaxing.

Life is all about perception.


“Sometimes the most scenic roads in life are
the detours you didn’t mean to take.” 
Angela N. Blount