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Memory is a Curious Thing

Maggie

I lost my mom when I was just 19 years old. That is a relatively short period of time to know a parent.

My early memories of my mother are sparse and sometimes I question if I actually remember certain things, or if I am actually recalling the stories or home movies of those events rather than the memory.

I was thinking about a blog series entitled “In Search of My Mother” to see if I could recall other things, but right now I fear it would be a very short series.

I loved my mother very much. I went through a long period of time when I was angry at her for dying. I want to travel back beyond those painful years, but I am not sure how to proceed. I am envious of people who have so many wonderful and close memories of their mother from a very early age.

I have very vivid early memories of my grandfather and my dad, but not my mom. Is that because as children we are closer to the parent of the opposite gender?  Or is it simply because we had closer relationships?

So, I am curious if you care to share with me. It might help me unlock my own mysteries.

If you think back, what is your earliest memory of your mother? How about of your father? What age were you and why do you remember the situation?

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25 thoughts on “Memory is a Curious Thing”

  1. [Sorry I sent you an email instead of leaving a reply. My bad…]

    I have vivd memories of both my parents. Of my mother, maybe I was 3, she came into the bedroom to kiss me goodnight and smelled of cool night air. As for my father he just seemed to be around. No real first memory. He was a stay-at-home dad so that might explain it.

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  2. Wow, good questions Maggie. I actually have my earliest memories of my sister Jan who was 11 years older than me and who was charged with babysitting me all the time. For instance, the first two homes where I lived until I was 3 I only remember my sister in various happenings, and mom and dad were pretty much shadows on the sidelines when I was 4. I think some of it is that my memories then were pretty much Big Event memories – when the new couch was heisted up by pulleys over a second floor porch railing and the rope broke, when I cut all my hair off with pinking sheers – and I was with my sister then. After that, my memories are pretty much of everyone.

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    1. I found this in my spam folder today, Dorothy. Your comment about big event memories makes a lot of sense to me. Thanks for sharing your memories. It helps.

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  3. My earliest memories are from around age 2 when we lived in Buffalo, New York. It was cold and there was lots of snow. I remember being “bundled up” to go outside and play. I remember Mom telling me about germs, which I thought were giant invisible green blobs. My dad caught pneumonia and I wasn’t allowed in his room. Flashes of scenes. Mom babysitting a neighbor boy. Me falling off a swing. Pulling apart Oreos at the kitchen table…

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    1. Paula, two years old is really young. That’s great you remember something so early. You are fortunate to even have flashes of memories. At what age do you have consistent memories?

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  4. I can remember helping Mum with the ironing as a child (my iron plugged into a light socket), and buying a pair of glittery dance shoes in her size for sixpence at a jumble sale. She wore them every time she and Dad went out when there might have been some dancing as they loved to dance. Mum passed away in January 2018 and I miss her terribly. I have so many happy memories of her holidays with us when we first moved to Lincolnshire. My Dad was always there for me, and he passed away in 1996, the day after my 40th birthday. Mum lived with my sister and always put her and the grandchildren before herself. My sister believed I didn’t care and had shirked my responsibility by moving away, but we would have loved for Mum to come and live with us, but she said my sister needed her. Mum and I had a special relationship though, maybe not the same as some mothers and daughters, but I never doubted her love for me and made sure she knew how much I loved her. I miss both of my parents, but they are united now and I am content with that thought.

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    1. What wonderful memories, Di. I am beginning to think that my memories may be lacking because my mom always worked. I loved her very much and it was hard to lose her so young. I, too, was really close to my Dad.

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      1. My Mum worked too and when I was a teenager, I helped out where she was the manageress. Extra pocket money for me, and a good lesson in budgets and money management.

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  5. My sisters and I were not very close to my Dad as we saw very little of him. He was a farm worker and left for work before we were up and about and, when we were young, we were in bed before he got home. He was a Methodist local preacher so on Sundays, his only day off, he would be off to some church, within a 10 mile radius, to preach. As we got older we all became much closer to Dad and we would

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  6. ….help out at harvest time, potato picking etc. He was hard working, but a very gentle man, and he survived Mum, who we all adored, by 10 years. He surprised us all by becoming very domesticated and self sufficient and died at the age of 96.

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    1. I never got to see either of my parents reach even my age. It sounds like you were fortunate to have such love and care. Do you have early memories of your mum? I cannot seem to remember many at a young age.

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      1. My earliest memories are of standing by the piano listening to her play “In a Monastery Garden” and singing along to various songs and hymns as she played and sang. I have no idea what age I would be, but fairly young!

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    1. Pete, there was a contact form in body of my post (not sure why) so your comment came to my email. I have removed the contact form and am pasting your response here:
      *****
      My dad left home for another woman when I was 24 and I never saw him again. Most of my memories of him are bad ones, from the ‘combatative’ years of my teens. I was lucky that my mum lived until I was 60 years old, so I shared a lifetime with her.
      Best wishes, Pete.
      *****
      I remember reading several posts about your father, Pete. If you look back at your life with your mum, what is your earliest memory with her?

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      1. I remember my mum watching TV with me, reading me bedtime stories, and ‘twirling my hair’ with her fingers. I must have been about 3 years old. A very vivid memory was when I started school at the age of 5. I didn’t want to go in, but she gave my hand to the teacher and told me it would be alright. We were both crying that morning.

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  8. I lost my mom when I was almost 6. I actually never knew her as a person and when my father remarried, there was no mention of her in our home. My paternal grandparents didn’t talk of her either. The few things I know of her were told to me by her sisters.

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    1. Sadje, I am so sorry you lost your mom so early. I wonder why no one spoke of her? Did that impact you, not knowing much of her? It is always so hard to lose a parent so young.

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      1. I didn’t think much about that when I was young. It was when I was older that I wanted to know more about her.

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