I have always been an intense thinker. As a child, perhaps 8 years old, I remember lying in my bed trying to understand infinity. I could not get my mind around something being endless. Everything physical in our world seemed to be finite in some way. The only things that seemed infinite were those dealing with the more spiritual and less tangible things.
I recall processing certain Bible verses and trying to understand the fear they raised in me. A fear of never being good enough.
Sleep is a mysterious and sometimes elusive thing for me. I can be so tired I cannot keep my eyes open, but let my head hit the pillow and my brain comes alive. Once I am asleep, I sleep well. It is the getting there that can sometimes be a problem. Now, sit me on the couch in front of the tv in the middle of the day and I can nap like no other.
I was going to seep with music, then I tried guided meditations (I listen too intently), but overall, silence is still my favorite sleep aid. (I did do well listen to someone reading in Korean because I could not understand a word of it! 😂) My daughter suggested I take melatonin but I hate ingesting things I don’t know much about. Chamomile tea can sometimes help. The problem for me, I think, is how to shut off my brain.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about people that find it important to forgive anyone they held a grudge against before they die. It seems odd to me that one would not want to ease that burden in life rather than in death. It makes me wonder if that is another religious construct or if their own thoughts weigh heavy on their mind at that time.
Of course I also – I won’t say worry – but think a lot about the final tally and outcome of Covid-19 and what that will mean to life as we know it. We are already seeing so many ramifications it boggles the mind to think what might lie ahead – especially for my children and grandchildren.
My days are filled with uplifting and delightful thoughts, conversations and positivity. But this habit I have of thinking deep thoughts at bedtime is something that has been with me my entire life. Maybe it will always be.
I always feel fairly relaxed, although my physical therapist tells me how tight my muscles are in my neck and shoulders. Maybe I am not as relaxed as I think.
So I ask you, what keeps you up at night? Are you an over-thinker like me, or do you sleep like a baby?