Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Day 289

Today is my daughter’s birthday — my first born. It was her arrival into this world that made me a mom and it was living my life with her that made me a better mom. Now as a grandmother, I appreciate so much all the intangible gifts we have given each other.

We have so many great shared memories. As a little girl she was fearless in so many ways. She loved people and was always a delight to everyone she met. I see the same traits in her daughter now, and seeing her with her little girl has filled me up more than I ever knew possible.

When she was little, she would see smoke or fog or steam and would exclaim “peanut butter sandwiches” with such glee. I could never understand this because she was so well spoken. It made no sense.

One day, we were home watching TV when Sesame Street came on. She was transfixed as usual. I happened to look up just as the character The Amazing Mumford (a magician) waved his magic wand and exclaimed “Ala Peanut Butter Sandwiches” as a huge puff of smoke appeared. Mystery solved.

She was quite precocious in many ways. One morning as I walked her to her babysitter’s house, we encountered the trash men. She waved and said “Good morning. Do you want to come to my house and see my mommy?” They chuckled as I tried to hide my red face. Years later she would tell me she was simply trying to do her part in getting me out of a bad marriage. What a kid.

We have seen each other through some tough times, but those times fade quickly in the light of the hundreds of beautiful moments we have shared. To say I am blessed seems a pale definition to the love we have for each other.

What can you say on the 44th birthday that has not already been said over the years? Maybe nothing new, but definitely words that carry a depth of meaning not possible without the experiences and memories we have shared.

I love you means my heart is so full of love I fear it may burst.

I am proud of you means you have blossomed into a phenomenal woman.

You are a wonderful mom means the love I have for you brings me to my knees when I see how much you love your daughter.

I miss you means the distance is difficult but to see you living a fulfilled life makes me the happiest mom alive.

So, little girl, maybe I have said it before. Every year it means more. More love, more trust, more respect, more happiness, more honesty and more honor that I was chosen to be your mom.

Happy Birthday, my little girl. The years have flown by and I have loved each and every moment. May this just be the beginning of many more wonderful times to come.

I lu lu.

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