Remembering What We Want to Forget

Day 287

The last few days have been difficult. I have been deep in thought about my sister. Tomorrow is the anniversary of her death. Losing her was hard. She fought the good fight and I admired her strength so much.

Today I am remembering the events I wish I could forget. The experiences I shared with her that I have never shared with anyone. They were hard and I do not wish to put those memories in anyone else’s mind.

I wrote a blog after she was admitted to the hospital. She had a stroke which left it difficult for her to talk. I remember her trying to say something she could not get out, stumbling over every word. She finally took a breath and said one word crystal clear. “Shit.” That was just like her to express her displeasure so clearly.

She was so frustrated trying to talk. And I tried so hard to understand what she needed to say. I feel like we were both cheated out of those final conversations. But it was not meant to be.

There have been a lot of unexpected triggers over the last few days. I was not expecting them and I was not expecting this wash of grief. I have done well celebrating her life and remembering the fullness of her life in favor of the difficulty of her passing. But the universe had a different idea this year.

I wrote a blog about BJ when she went into the hospital. I posted it below if you care to read. I would not write another blog until the year came to a close.

My Heart is Breaking

I wanted to write this blog today because tomorrow, I want to tell you about my sister before the word cancer was always associated with the telling of her life. She was much more than that.

17 thoughts on “Remembering What We Want to Forget”

  1. I think you said it all in that piece, Maggie.
    And what you wrote at the end of this post is so true. People are so much more than the illness that claims them.
    I understand this is a hard time for you, and send you my very sincere best wishes in friendship.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I understand your grief. I understand your love. I admire the way you deal with both. Have a good cry if that is what you need. Have a dark chocolate bar if that is what you need. Give me a call and let’s kibbitz if that is what might give some comfort. Gentle hugs my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I, too, am struggling with the death of a close, young, loved one who recently died of cancer, and it is so very excruciating. I hope for you to have patience and compassion for yourself, Maggie, during this heartbreaking time. This was a beautifully written tribute. You two look a lot alike. Sending blessings your way….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am always here for you. Reach out if you need me. There are no words I could say to take away your pain. Grief is a very individual process. I can listen and understand. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Grief doesn’t follow any plan, does it? I was taken aback this morning in the shower thinking about my late sister, two years this August. I think I miss most the sharing about childhood things that only they would know. My love to you today.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.