The Lies Women Tell

Day 277

I am reblogging this in honor of my sister. Her birthday would be tomorrow and she was never able to meet her first born. I am always in hopes we will find him. Just to tell him he was loved.

A Life Worth Living

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but felt it was important to have my niece and nephew read it before I put it online. I love them both for they are extensions of my sister. I dedicate this blog to them and the love I hold in my heart for them. Thank you for letting me express these thoughts of your Mom. You mean the world to me.

dandelionIt has been such a long time since I have written here. I guess it’s because I write for a living now and it makes writing for pleasure a little more difficult. Finding the right time and the right temperament and a smidge of creativity is a concoction I have not been able to muster for a while. I am inspired to write to tonight because of a movie we watched last night. I had it earmarked knowing it would…

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9 thoughts on “The Lies Women Tell”

  1. Many, or at least some, believe the child’s rights are violated—the identities of bio parents are protected at the expense of the adoptee. So we’ve got a subset of people who are legally denied info about their origins. That’s pretty messed up.

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    1. There is so much pain on all sides of this. What I know for sure is that many women who were underage had their civil rights violated over and over again. Others fell to extreme family pressure. And yes, the children often end up paying the ultimate price. It is a sad situation all the way around.


  2. I agree that there are too many lies that hurt women for their entire lives. Sadly there are two sets of standards for men and women. Again and again I see in the current news how horribly women are treated and mistreated. It makes me sad that in many ways we are traveling backward instead of forward to protect everyone equally. Off my soap box.

    I hope you some day find your nephew. He will be enriched by being added to such a wonderful family.

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    1. Lauren, I have been fortunate to have extremely good male role models in my family. They were not perfect people, but who is? All of us were taught respect. I think this is what I truly do not understand about my parents’ reaction to my sister. I wish I had asked more questions much earlier. I think she missed him terribly her whole life. I would just like to know he is out there and we are available to answer his questions. I would never cross any boundaries he has set for himself. I don’t even know if he realizes he was adopted or, sadly, if he is even still alive.

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      1. G-d willing maybe you will find him. My aunt found her son after 60 years. His adopted parents had passed. His daughter did ancestry and found her aunt. They are so grateful to be in each other’s lives now.

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  3. This was something of an issue in my own family. We found out that one of our relatives was adopted, but nobody knew until he was in his 50s, and his adoptive mother died. This meant that both his sons were concerned that we would no longer regard them as ‘family’.
    Of course, that never happened.

    We have a TV show here called ‘Long Lost Family’. It is very tastefully done, and respectful. In 99% of cases, the children concerned with mothers who gave them up for adoption are just as keen to find out the truth. I see they have an American version, and wonder if you would consider using that to find your sister’s child?

    I think that she would want to know that you had told them why she had to give up her baby, and the child would want to know the reason too. Just my opinion.

    Best wishes, Pete.

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    1. Pete, I am amazed how many families had similar stories. I am glad your connections were solid and long-lasting.

      I am very familiar with the television show. I actually printed the application last year, but struggled with whether my desire was more important than possibly revealing something he did not know, or perhaps he had no desire to delve into. My brother and I have done DNA testing in hopes he can find us if he is looking.

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  4. I lost my sister two years ago, so my first connection with your piece was over that loss. Mine died of cancer also. I have no personal experience of adoption but have taught young adults who have searched for and found their birth parents. It is a mixed bag. Sometimes the young people were very disappointed by the results. Some parents didn’t want to be found. Open adoption seems to be prevalent now, but even that brings its own struggles.

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    1. I am sorry for your loss, Elizabeth. Losing a sister is not easy. Opening up adoption records is an unknown walking in. A road we must travel gingerly and be prepared for any outcome.

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