Meditation – A First for Me

Day 175


Meditation is something I have always felt I could not do. I’m not sure why. I have many friends who meditate religiously and they find it centers them and clears their heart, mind, and soul.

I have my time for prayer and I guess maybe I did not really understand the difference. What could clearing my thoughts do for me? How would it benefit me? I had a very lengthy exchange with a good friend several years ago about meditation. Still, I did not take that first step. Until yesterday.

I am trying to take the steps recommended by Kyle Cease in his “Love Rising” videos. I cannot tell you why, but at the end of the 4th video, I knew I was in.

Yesterday afternoon I tried meditating for the very first time. I found myself in tears for most of the time (I only managed 45 minutes.) This is when I realized I had been living my life with a constant sense of loss.

This morning I set my clock for an hour earlier than my normal wake-up time. I sat up in my bed and meditated for a full hour. I cannot adequately explain what happened in that time other than to say I felt my brain was testing me. I went through almost every friend I’d ever had since grade school and struggled to remember their names. My mind kept saying, “what’s her name” and eventually, the names all came to me.

I do not know how this is going to serve me, but there must be a reason. Today I had more energy than I have had of late. I accomplished so much and even managed to clean the weeds from all my flower beds and my raised garden. Perhaps it’s a coincidence — we will see.

I am tired now and ready for bed. My clock will be set and I will meditate again. I do not know what to expect, but I am going to keep showing up.

Goodnight all.




9 thoughts on “Meditation – A First for Me”

  1. Meditating and praying can be combined, but generally it is best, I think from my own experience, to keep the two separated. You might ultimately find that the nature of how you pray changes. For example, when you get up in the morning, you might give prayers of thoughts for the new day and new opportunities, and at night, you might give prayers of thanks for all the things that you have experienced in a day, a week, or any length of time. And they don’t have to all be good experiences either. The challenges we have are essential I believe too, because without them, we might never learn compassion for others, or be able to help them with whatever they are going through. And our walk with life might not be as meaningful without them. If we were to fail to experience the hills as well as the valleys, life would be pretty dull. So both prayer and meditation will bring different experiences and both have value in a life. Thank you kindly. Oh, my “like” always shows up blank as wordpress doesn’t seem to understand that I have one site that is mine and two I manage for a physically challenged friend, so it wants to put my photo on all of them, but I don’t want my photo, etc. on her site. So hence I appear as a blank.

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    1. Anne, thank you for your thoughtful comments. Yes, I am finding prayer and meditation to be very different. I release all expectations and just let things flow.

      And it is perfectly ok to appear blank. I never gave it one thought.

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  2. I don’t know how to clear my head! I haven’t tried meditation for many years. Anxious to keep hearing about your progression.

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    1. Nancy, you might be feeling resistance. I know it was blocking my first step in this journey. I release all expectations and just allow myself a quiet time to connect with my soul. My head is slowly stopping it’s mindless chatter. I am learning I do not need to be everything to everybody. That was my ego who wanted to serve in that role, not my spirit.


  3. Maggie I am so glad this is speaking to you. I have been so very sick this time with zero to negative five in the energy department. I really am missing my time to meditate. I also so want to keep up with the videos which I have not been able to do. I am enjoying your enjoying. 🙂

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    1. Lauren, just be easy on yourself as you heal. You will get back to it. I know what you mean about missing the meditation even though I am VERY new to it. I set my clock to get up early, but I find myself waking up before the alarm wondering if it is time to meditate. Ha! Worse than worrying about getting to the airport on time.

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