Blog, Journey, loss

The Beginning of the End — Saying Goodbye to my Old Story

Day 174

I had a revelation today.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have been watching videos from Kyle Cease’s series entitled “Love Rising”. Today I finished the 4th of 8 videos which is equivalent to one day at one of his events.

I am not an over-eater at the Self Help buffet, but I do partake from time to time. I learned about Kyle Cease from a friend who has attended his events and as a result has continued to work with him over the last year or so. Her growth has been amazing and I was always happy for her, but never considered taking part myself.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend gifted me access to Kyle’s “Love Rising” videos. I am here to honestly say this gift has impacted me in a way I never thought possible.

Today was a breakthrough for me. I was living my old story and its name was loss.

As a result, today I am starting the process of shedding my old story. I am no longer living a life of loss. Yes, I have had a great deal of many types of loss in my life, but I was letting it define me. I was living in this space of loss and never fully present in the now. How could I possibly achieve my goals and dreams of tomorrow if I could not free myself from the losses of my past?

I actually had a lot of happiness and joy in my life but it was always punctuated with loss. I have carried all those losses with me for my entire life. The feelings are complex, so I will just share my takeaways.

  • Releasing does not mean forgetting.
  • Love is always here.
  • I am more than the losses I have experienced.
  • I do not want to grieve because that means I am acknowledging the loss is permanent.
  • If I let go and say goodbye, I am afraid I will be alone, even though I am surrounded by people who love me.
  • It is okay to live my life and be happy.
  • Will I feel guilty if I pursue my dreams?
  • Is the fear of failing greater than the joy of succeeding?

I wanted to share this as a way to keep myself accountable. Life is full of hurdles and for me, they have been much easier to cross than what it has taken for others. How can I possibly live small when everything in me wants to live large?

It takes faith and trust and vulnerability. And good music.