Day 167
I am resistant. There — I said it.
Some resistance is good, some signal avoidance, and frankly, some things do not fit in my personal goals for my life.
I want to examine my resistance and start to flush out my thoughts and ideas.
Am I Resistant to Change?
I am not afraid of change, but of course, it depends on what I am trying to change. Years ago I decided to go on Weight Watchers. I was active in the workforce and went faithfully every Monday during my lunch hour. I lost 25 pounds, reached my goal, and became a lifetime member. Then I dropped it. I was tired of counting points. It was the only attempt at any type of dieting I have ever tried.
Recently, hubby and I made some lifestyle changes in the foods we choose, how much we cook at home, and we added some much-needed exercise back into our lives. Now I have lost weight and feel better without feeling like I am dieting. This has been an easy change.
I welcome other areas of change in my life. I am not afraid to try new things. I was not afraid of retiring or moving to a completely different life in another state, so I don’t think it is change I’m resistant to. I love this new phase of my life and have so many dreams for this time.
Blogging and Writing
I see a lot of my fellow-bloggers take on a lot of challenges for their blogs and their writing. I do one and have resisted all the others. Not because I do not find them interesting or challenging, but because, for me, it stifles my thoughts and the reason I chose to blog in the first place.
I do think I am resisting working in earnest on a story I have brewing. I am recognizing it as the voice of my inner critic, but I cannot shut her up! I know the storyline is powerful and I know I can make it come to life. But still, I resist. I think I resist because I still fear failing. What if no one else appreciates it the way I do?
So, instead of writing, I am allowing classes by other writers whom I respect, to fill my days and my writing time. Resistance!
Digital Entertainment
We canceled our cable TV service about a month ago in favor of a much cheaper streaming service. I still have shows to watch — and I do watch — but I do not spend nearly as much time in front of the TV now.
Facebook. Grrrrrrrrr. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It is THE predominant way I stay in touch with my family and close friends. But it is so much more than that. It is a time-suck and an invasion of privacy. Today I decided to start culling down my Facebook friends list. I’m not even sure I know all my friends! Isn’t that crazy?
Online news is the way I stay up with what is happening in the world. I gave up newspapers YEARS ago. But the news is so much less about news and so much more about advertising and marketing. I cannot trust one outlet so I have three or four I check every day or two.
So, where there is an alternative, I can easily change my digital habits. Some I do feel tied to, but at some time in the future, I may change more of these as well.
Meditation
I have been intrigued by meditation for a long time. I tried it another lifetime ago, but I had no patience. Now I have ample time to sit with my thoughts and clear my thinking, but I am fighting it every step of the way. Maybe meditating would help clear the cobwebs and let me know why I am resistant.
Could I sit for an hour and be comfortable? Do I have thoughts and burdens I do not wish to address? Do I believe in meditation? I do not have the answers to any of these questions but I know I am resistant to even try it again.
The Answer?
I don’t have one right now. I guess that is the reason for this post. I do think I will examine my thoughts around resistance over the next few weeks and just see what shakes out. I hope it’s my internal critic – she is wretched.
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