Day 83
Today was a turning point. I realized I’ve been waiting for something to happen. I don’t know what, but I’m tired of waiting.
I am a nurturer by nature. I worry about everyone and will always try to do anything I can to help those I love and care about. That’s a noble calling I suppose, but what I have discovered is that putting everyone and everything else above what you dream for yourself makes it impossible to achieve those dreams.
I will always love and care for people. It’s in my DNA. Today I decided it is okay for me to focus on myself as well.
Since we didn’t really shop or exchange much in the way of gifts for Christmas, I told hubby I wanted to sign up for a couple of classes on Master Class. Specifically about writing. So, my belated Christmas gift was a year-long subscription to all the classes. Wow! I am so excited! (Click on the logo to the left to go to their website! There is a great promotion running until midnight Pacific time tonight — 12/26/2018)
Tonight I started Margaret Atwood’s Creative Writing Class. I am thoroughly enjoying it so far. It has already made me realize a few major changes I must take in how I structure my life if I intend to write seriously.
I am relieved to get some sort of validation that my method of writing is ok if it works for me. Now, why did I need for someone to tell me that? If it works for me, it works for me.
As I go through some of the questions raised in the class, I have already had to tell my inner critic to pipe down a few times. I get to control this. Years of nagging doubt are surfacing and I am working to change the way I think about my ability to write.
Retirement is wonderful, but it can be bogged down by the same things that bog you down in pre-retirement life. Remodeling, cleaning, cooking, errands, shopping, and laundry are all still there. It takes a conscious effort to achieve the things we hope to accomplish.
In one of my earlier blogs, I said I wanted 2019 to be lighter. I think that lightness may come in part by doing things that I really want to do. In so many ways, 2018 was hard. I cannot dwell on the difficulties and the hardships. I want to forge ahead toward the goals I have set for myself. There is room to do that and also love and care for those I hold so dear to my heart.
I feel lighter already.
“To be creative, first we must be generous. Then we must have a quiet, indomitable belief in our own worth.”
fromcavewalls.wordpress.com 
I love this! I am doing something similar in that I am finally listening to my heart and doing what I have always wanted to do since I was little – I have also looked into the Master Class and I may join that as well. We will see after the New Year. Wishing you the best as you explore your dreams!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad you are listening to your heart. So far I am really enjoying the MasterClass. 💕
LikeLike
I love the final quote and the sentiments you express in this post. I’ve found it true, as well, that our creative inclinations can get sunk in the routines of everyday life and taking care of others. (I know I’m skirting the edge when I start spending TOO much time fussing about meals; although I genuinely enjoy food-geeky things, it’s a little too much in the shadow comforts/procrastination side of creativity when I slide into that…
Margaret Atwood’s MasterClass looks like a great thing! Yay! I’ll look forward to hearing more about it and your writing practices.
I’m planning to spend some time on long winter evening while we’re in Quebec in January sorting through some themes, reading some more nature writing, and sorting out my next directions.
In an odd way, I think the daily posting practice has been so successful in providing a window into wider themes to write about — that’s been a big encouragement to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lisa, I felt somewhat selfish writing that post. Sometimes my needs get shuffled to the bottom and I am trying to learn to take good care of myself as well.
The class already has me examining the barriers I have placed in my own way. I am also getting validation for my somewhat unorganized writing process. Both good outcomes.
When do you leave for Quebec? I look forward to following the adventures you uncover in your winter wonderland.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You definitely shouldn’t feel selfish in your perspective. We need creative time, however we carve it out — you have an extended family, and have had caregiving responsibilities, too. All more reason to carve out a wee bit of time for yourself.
I understand all too well the mantel of caregiving, nurturing, and family-keeping (even if I only have a husband and a dog!)
We’ll be leaving for Quebec probably around the 5th or 6th of January, depending on the weather and how Clemson does in our playoff game on Saturday!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought of you this morning. With all this rain, had our temperatures been colder, we would be inundated with snow. You must be looking forward to your winter adventure.
I think the selfishness feeling comes from seeing how much need is there and always feeling responsibility for it. I have been this way since childhood. I am determined to find time for me, however.
LikeLiked by 1 person